


Destiel (if it was a Rare Pairing)

by BladeAchilles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bad Fic, Because those are like the only two kinds of fic I can write apparently, Crack, F/M, Lots of drama, M/M, Only Sane Sam, Spoilers for Season 9, because I felt kinda guilty, plus a peace offering of an actual Destielish drabble, these drabbles are meant as an act of love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-06
Updated: 2014-07-06
Packaged: 2018-02-07 16:12:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1905423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BladeAchilles/pseuds/BladeAchilles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a world where Destiel is a rare ship, this is what 85-90% of the fic would look like (only  much better written, sorry).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lips of a Winchester

**Author's Note:**

> So...I've noticed this trend where Destiel is all up in pretty much every rare pair I read, and it can get a tad bit frustrating. Like, I love you guys, but it's getting ridiculous. So I wrote these drabbles as an example of what Destiel would be like if it was a rare pair in this fandom. This was meant kindly, and I hope that even the most diehard of Destiel shippers can get a chuckle out of this. Also, I'm not too hip to the fandom currently, so if this has already been dealt with please accept my apology. And, I guess, just skip straight to the last drabble.
> 
> Betaed by the fantastical Faoi_chielt.

Castiel knew it wasn’t the same; it could never be the same. But Gadreel was off being Metatron’s buttmonkey (that download of pop culture did come in handy sometimes), and Cas was weak-far weaker than he’d like to admit. He knew he should be saving himself for his stoic soulmate. He knew he should be patient and preparing himself for the day when Gadreel would realize that redemption came not through Metatron, but through the free will, forgiveness, and sex that Castiel could offer him.

But Dean was always close by, and it was so tempting to bury himself in the carnal oblivion that was wrapped in denim and plaid flannel. So he added one more sin to the long list he had already racked up. But through all the long, sweaty nights in the Bunker, through the hurried moments in the Impala, through the desperate rutting while Metallica blared in the background and Sam rushed back out of the room shrieking, he never forgot.

No, he might have been balls deep in the Righteous Man, but all he could think about was the Traitorous Sentry and hope that one day, his love would return to his arms.

Gadreel did.

(And Cas dumped Dean like a hot potato).


	2. I'll love you until the sun rises in the West

“Sit down man, this is an intervention.” Kevin slammed the door shut behind Dean and crossed the room to sit next to Sam, whose look of confusion was matched only by Dean’s.  
“An intervention? Listen, I haven’t been drinking all that much lat-“ Kevin angrily waved his hand cutting Dean’s protestations short.  
“This isn’t about the drinking, Dean.”  
“It’s not?” Sam and Dean chimed in unison.  
“No! This is about you wrecking yourself. This is about you settling. This is about you denying yourself true happiness because you think you don’t deserve it or some crap like that! This is about the affair you’ve been having with Cas when deep down, you know that Benny is your one true love.” Kevin was panting slightly when he finished, passion imbuing every word.  
“What?!” Sam squawked, while Dean merely fidgeted and look slightly guilty. Kevin continued.  
“Look, I’ve read the books. I know the truth! The connection you have with Benny is obvious! Only with him are you whole, and you are throwing all that away for your angel friend! Why, Dean, why?”  
Dean leapt up from the couch and paced past Sam whose mouth was agape to gaze at the wall, sorrow and anger filling every wiry inch of him.  
“You think I don’t know that, Kevin? You think I don’t yearn to be reunited with my Southern lover? It’s all I can think about! But he’s…Benny’s…” Dean paused and collected himself before continuing. “Benny’s dead, Kevin! His light is gone from this world.”  
“No!” Kevin arose and went to the door, flinging it open. “He’s alive, Dean!”  
Sure enough, Benny was there. “Moon of my life!” Dean exclaimed as he ran to the coated figure lurking in the doorway.  
“Mah sun and stahrs!” Benny drawled as the lovers flung their arms around each other.  
Kevin beamed while Sam frantically pinched himself.  
(And Dean dumped Cas like a hot potato).


	3. Close Enough

Sam was researching the case that had brought them to Cheyenne, Wyoming while Cas watched infomercials and Dean cleaned his guns on the bed closest to the door of the cramped, chintzy motel room. Sam had just found an interesting lead buried deep in old coroner’s reports when without warning Cas turned off the tv and rose to stand in front of Dean, arms akimbo and a fiery light in his eyes.

 

“Dean, I am greatly in need of your assistance.” The green eyed hunter put his gun down and looked up at his friend.

 

“Anything in particular, Cas?” 

 

“Yes, you must teach me the ways of the secular flesh.” Dean nodded calmly and rose, ignoring the crash of Sam knocking over his laptop in the back of the room.

 

“Of course, Cas, anything for a friend.” He started unbuttoning his shirt. “But why? Why now?”

 

Cas averted his eyes and shuffled his feet, clearly feeling more awkward than he normally did. “I find myself inflamed with lust for the demon Meg. But I do not know how to go about courting and deflowering her, and I had hoped that you would be able to teach me what I need to know.” 

 

Dean paused, sorrow filling his impossibly green eyes, and laid a hand on the angel’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about a thing, Cas, I’ll teach you everything you need to know about making love to a woman. Even though I wish it was me you loved.” The two fell into each other’s arms, lips and hips moving passionately as Sam flung open the window and threw himself out. But even out by the soda machine, the cries of “Yes, yes, right there Meg!” and “I love you, Cas!” could be heard clearly. 

 

In the end, Dean taught Cas well, Meg sent Dean a bouquet of flowers, and Sam only cried a little bit.

 

(And Cas dumped Dean like a hot potato).


	4. Behind Black Eyes

Sam and Cas had Dean tied to a chair, syringes of purified blood ready and waiting. Despite Dean’s protestations, Sam was going to turn his brother back into a human if it killed him. He was just about to inject the first dose when the doors to the abandoned warehouse burst open and Crowley stormed in, black coat flapping in the wind because he was a giant drama queen. 

“I won’t let you stop the ritu-“ Sam started to confront Crowley, but the demon ignored him and ran straight to Dean, one hand reaching out to caress his face.

“Darling, what are they doing to you?” 

Dean’s lower lip only trembled a little bit. “No, Cas is right, I have to do this. I don’t deserve any better!” 

Crowley shook his fist in Castiel’s direction. “Can’t you see dearest Squirrel? That angel is only using you! You deserve everything better!” 

“Okay, what the hell is going on-“ Sam was cut off by a menacing hiss from Cas.

“ He’ll never be yours, Crowley! I own Dean, and he is going to become human so you can never get your claws into him!”

“Never!” cried Crowley, who released Dean’s chains with a wave of his hand. “Dean, my love, we were meant to be together!”

Dean raised his face, tears in his black-greenish eyes. “Yes, I see that now! I regret all the sex I had with Cas-never again will I drown my sorrows in anyone but you!”  
Crowley and Dean fell into each other’s arms, oblivious to Cas’s angry cries of protest and Sam’s confused sputterings.

Crowley and Dean ran off together to howl at the moon and do other general demonic shenanigans, Cas fumed alone and Sam rocked back and forth in the corner until the world started to make sense.

(And Dean dumped Cas like a hot potato)


	5. For Realsies

In the end, it wasn't anger at Castiel's lies that drove Hannah to Metatron's camp.

It wasn't disappointment at his lack of leadership ability.

It was jealousy at how Castiel looked at the Righteous Man, even when Dean wasn't so righteous.

It was the knowledge that he would never choose his brothers and sisters over one little human.

And it was the vague sense of loss, when she realized that once again, Castiel had blazed a trail that few angels had ever walked down before and even fewer had the ability to follow. 

In the end, it was because of Dean Winchester that Hannah walked away from Castiel.


End file.
